Tuesday, July 6, 2010
My life really sucks right now. I don't even have ability to put it into words....
Actually my life itself doesn't really suck. School just sucks. But since majority of my next 3 years will be spent in school. My life sucks. So yeah
I don't even know how to say it. Basically I'm all alone in class with no one to talk to. I'm always sitting alone in lectures and tutorials. No friends in a class. People whom I thought were my friends aren't. It really sucks right now.
I was just given even more bad news today. I don't really wanna say it. One by one, people start leaving, then again, nobody is there forever.
I feel really alone. And no matter how people say they'll be there for me, let's face it. I'll always be alone no matter what.
At first it was just alone at home. And school back then was great cos I got to hang out with my friends.
Seeing that I've made nothing but enemies now, I really am alone in school..
You know what it's like to be told to fuck off from a group. Just by one guy, while the others just walk away in silence as if they've lost their mouth.
Finding a quiet place where you just sat down, wanting to cry but you know you just can't. Afraid of people seeing you. And at that very moment, you realize that the world is a cruel place and you start to wonder " How am I gonna get through the next 3 years "..I thought long and hard about it.
I no longer feel any motivation to study or work hard. My mother told me that I'm in school to study, not make friends.
I think that is the stupidest thing ever for it's the people we meet along our journey that make life worth living.
But right now, I just wanna be hit by a car. I couldn't care what happens to me. Anything to make this go away.
I just wanna crawl up in bed and pretend that the world doesn't exist. And when I finally come to my senses, everything, all my problems would have gone away.
But there's no such freaking thing. So here's to the people who make my school life terrible. God bless you.
Suicide has never ever been this tempting.
( Don't take this line too seriously )