Thursday, December 5, 2013
Was talking with melody on whatsapp just last night. We don't really know each other very well but I've always admired certain aspects about her. She asked me for my opinion on her as she wanted to improve herself so then I started thinking you know, I couldn't think of anything bad to say about her, which just goes to show how well I know her I guess.
She has always come across to me as someone who's kinda quirky. She ain't exactly the most normal person I know lets just say. I could never understand her and I never knew what to expect from her.
So I thought, maybe I should ask her for her opinion on me. I knew that she wouldn't sugarcoat her words and that she would honestly tell me what she thought of me, and to be honest, I was blown away and ever so slightly enlightened.
She said that I seemed like someone who doesn't really let people into my life.
It's somewhat true and I couldn't think of anything to deny that statement.
So then I started to think, why am I like that because it's not as if I'm a loner or anything.
My mind was constantly flooded with thoughts trying to think of why I was what I was.
So I thought of a few reasons as to why I might be what I am.
Growing up, I never really had a childhood friend per say. I was pretty much by myself despite having an elder brother only 3 years apart. We were never particularly close, even now.
I never really talked about my problems with anyone growing up, most of whatever I went through I kept to myself and even now I still do that.
Another reason was that I found it hard to trust people.
Actually it's more of I was always doubting people which wound up me not trusting them.
Like we could be really good friends but there's always a part of me that thinks that they probably don't really like me that much.
This made me really sensitive to certain things like if and when they make an unpleasant remark and even though they are just joking, I tend to think that maybe they secretly don't like me. I've always hated this aspect about myself but it I wasn't always like this.
I can't really say the reason but it happened a long time ago and I guess I never fully moved on.
There's still a bunch of other thoughts going on in my head but this is what I kind put into words.
I don't really know how to make sense of the other stuff.
Well here's to figuring out my thoughts and myself
cheers ~